Alcohol

Erin is a finely honed machine and as such requires little maintenance throughout the course of operation. However social lubrication may be necessary on a semi-regular basis. For ease of operation this model Erin was equipped with a very low alcohol tolerance. This gives your Erin the added benefit of being a cheap date. The following are guidelines that should be adhered to.

1. Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker

2. Under no circumstances should you allow Erin to consume alcohol on an empty stomach. This heightens the effect of the alcohol and can affect consciousness.

3. While alcohol is being administered it is wise to guard against behavior that may be considered improper by the general public. Actions should be taken to keep your Erin from participating in activities that could potentially lead to embarrassment, law suits, or public nudity.

4. When the subject has become overly lubricated the built in safety feature known as “purging” will take place. While sometimes causing distress in bystanders this is a very important aspect of your Erin as it helps to reduce the possibility of malfunctions such as hangovers. This model Erin arrives factory direct with short hair making assistance with this function unnecessary.

5. Under no circumstances should you allow Erin to consume the substance known as a “Jager Bomb” as insanity may ensue.

6. Under no circumstances should you allow Erin around sharp objects or fire when she is being lubricated.

7. While it is not recommended you allow your Erin to operate a motorized vehicle of any kind, ever, it is especially important not to allow her to do so while she is lubricated. While cussing may occur, your Erin is programmed to co-operate with this order.


Symptoms of over lubrication may include the following:
- Slurred speech
- Clumsiness
- Lack of dignity
- Unconsciousness
- An unusual amount of time spent on the bathroom floor
- Giggling
- Obnoxiousness
- Lack of train of thought
- Easily distracted
- General mayhem


Failure to follow these guidelines may void the manufacturers warranty and serious injury or death may occur.